Tuesday, January 18, 2011

First Steps




Sara took a few steps today. She went from standing alone to walking to me and from the edge of the couch to me.



I think I've held my children to much, Evan didn't walk until 15 months, and Sara will be 14 months on the 27th. Thats okay after waiting this long for them every cuddle has been a gift!





Sibling rivalry is setting in. Evan plays in the living room with his train table and the minute he hears Sara on the hardwood floor (our kitchen and foyer) he comes racing out yelling I'm going to trap her. Then he tackles her and lays on her. She begins to scream - probably thinking what did I do wrong? Yet when we are upstairs and they are bouncing on his bed he is mad at me for taking her downstairs. I hear don't you want to play Sara, come hide with me. It is so sweet to see them play happily together.



Yesterday was a tough day. Its been 6 years since we lost Rachel. I teared up a few times, but didn't realize how upset I was until I woke up this morning. I had tossed and turned all night and must have been clenching my teeth. This morning my head, neck and teeth killed. Luckily some Tylenol and Ibuprofren did the trick. Its amazing that day and night play through my head like a movie. I can see every detail, the wallpaper, the tv, the details of the room, the expression on Marcs face and my moms. I can still feel the warmth from her in my arms. Life can never prepare you for losing a child.



I have met a handful of friends that have also lost children. Its not the club we expected to join but these are woman I never would have met, and we share so much. They have been such great support and have become such wonderful friends. The good news is we have all gone on to have children. My Dr. put me in touch with Katie last spring, she had lost her daughter at 8 months. Katie is scheduled for an induction in 30 days and came to visit me yesterday. I can't wait to meet her little Dani and I look forward to play dates in the future. I know the anxiety she is facing this month and pray that it goes quickly and she is holding her daughter soon!